8 Hilarious Boat Commandments For a Stress Free Summer on the Lake

Share this with your non-boat owning friends

May 30, 2019
Boat Etiquette

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Boating season is here, which is great for those of you who own a boat and all, but what about those of us who don't? 

Yesterday with the Wolf Wake Up Crew we were discussing how to approach getting more friends with boats, or if it was even OK to put it out there that you'd like to basically invite yourself on someone's floating party station if you offer to pay for gas and bring some booze or food. 

The general consensus was that it's OK to want and have friends with boats, as long as you don't abuse your invite. 

Upon hearing this conversation, my friend, Cory, sent me a list of his rules for partying on his Bay Cruiser. 

Here are 8 boat commandments for a stress free summer on the lake:

1. Be on time. We shouldn't be waiting for you to arrive when you feel like it, while we roast in the sun on the hot asphalt with our ice melting; I'd like to add that you should probably bring some ice to replace the melted stuff, too.  

2. Bring your own booze. The fact that I even have to mention this is ridiculous; and bring enough for other people too. Don't be that jackass that's bummin' beer off people; and no, I don't care if you're a hot chick and you're only gonna have one- everyone contributes! A 12 pack is customary or a bottle of hard alcohol, you hear?

3. Don't bring wine. We already know about your sophisticated palate, and besides, this isn't a damn dinner party and we're not on a yacht. You're an awful drunk with bad balance, so leave the fancy glass at home. 

4. Hook the boat owner up with gas, that being ME.  $40 is standard. Remember, my lifted truck with the monster truck wheels and the loud exhaust, that dragged the boat to Lake Minnetonka and is blasting Florida Georgia Line on 102.9  the Wolf, with the boating kit can easily go over $200 in fuel for the day.  You're not making the payments or paying for insurance, so it's a heck of deal. 

5. Don't bring random people without asking first. No one wants to be held hostage for 5 hours floating at Big Island with someone who's crying, mad, a jerkwad hitting on your girl, is ugly or any combination thereof. 

6. That girl in your group who's doing shots at 11 am and is floating in the water by 11:05, yeah you can leave her home too. You know what trainwrecks you know, so don't bring 'em; I don't care how hot she is. 

7. We don't leave early to drop off or pick up; and no, Debbie, we're not speeding to Lord Fletchers or Maynards just so you can go to the bathroom. You can go in the lake just like everyone else; I don't care if you are afraid of fish. 

8. There's no smoking on the boat, not even on the edge, you're a drunk idiot so I'll tell you twice before you burn the upholstery. Oh, and chew at your own risk..because if I take a swig of Copenhagen and get a mouthful of your spit, we're going to have a problem. No exceptions. Have a wonderful summer! 

Any other commandments you'd like to add?