Police Station's Alert For a Redneck Street Gang Elicits the Most Hilarious Comments Ever

Fat stacks from sellin' that John Deere green

May 12, 2019
portsmouth ohio police

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Grab yourself a bottle of Boone's Farm and fire up some Tracy Byrd because you're going to need both for this story out of Portsmouth, Ohio. 

According to the Portsmouth, Ohio Police Facebook page, they've been informed of activities involving a very serious local street gang named W.C.C (Watermelon Crawl Crips) and they're asking for your help in catching these "hard core gang bangers." 

The post alone is enough to make you slap your knees, but the comments are pure comedy gold. 

Here are some of my favorites:

Erin Petit: Seriously y'all. what in the yeehaw screamin', cousin lovin', rammer jammer yellow hammer, AC unit fallin' out the window, red solo cups in the dishwasher, sweet tea induced diabetes, tractor crossing, truck meet attending, aluminum foil on the windows, we're only cousins by marriage, mayonnaise on fried chicken, crack smokin', shootin' up in the living room type of bullcrap, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Confederate flag flying outside of every trailer, Chevy symbol chest tattoo, six year old son still in diapers, life is like a box of chocolates, sweet tea brewing, moon shine running, mountain dew drinking, NASCAR loving, pile of empty bud light cans in the passenger seat of the beat down pickup crap is this?

Amber Maddox: Imma baller, imma watermelon crawler, no neck, can’t wear a collar.....5’4-wish I was little bit taller, where’s my cousin? I’m bout to call her. Gettin laid tonight! Hope my pimiento jar gonna get us right, get us right, yeah! 

I wanna ball harder. Gonna get some natural ice after I change my starter.....got wood grain panels in my trailer, where’s my sister? I wanna date her! Don’t knock it till you try it, you’s a hater! If I had a calculator, I’d count my paper. Got it spread out, I’ll stack it later. 

Imma baller, imma watermelon crawler

Melissa Webb: Just wait until the Boot Scootin’ Boogie Bloods hear about this guy.. can you say, gang war?

Chad Lee: What in the gene pool pissin’, flamingo in the yard, sister courtin’, I didn’t do nuffin’, sheep shaggin’, tool tossin’, SUUUUUEEEEEE pig singin’, skoal spittin’, howdy doody is my brother, holy fresh hell in Nopesville have we got here?!?!?!?

Gray Richardson: Feeling cute.. might start a turf war with the Banana Hamock Bloods later.. I dont know